First and most importantly I hate urine outside designated areas – toilet bowls for humans (and I guess those cats they train to pee in them) and outdoors for dogs. And – unfortunately for me everyone in my household knows it.

Currently, I live with two beings that urinate everywhere given the opportunity. One is my son and the other is Coco-the-dog. Coco is a 12 year-old rescue dog that came from a puppy mill. That’s not why she pees everywhere though. But, it does

One of my fav photos of the urinators

keep me from giving her to Gypsies. It’s because she is a mini dachshund with anxiety issues – which is redundant. (Like saying a slutty Kardasian.) I keep her urine contained most of the time by limiting her activity to the part of the house without carpeting or cloth furniture. That is unless Ward forgets to close the gate or one of two doors in to her chambers. (Ward! WFT! Urine!)

And then there is Thorin. In public he asks to go to the potty and he always goes. At home not so much. Pooping is a better scene. He says he has to go at home more often than not. (Unless he’s watching Shrek then forget it.) I know this sounds terribly sexist but I think males can live with pee-in-the-pants but not with poop-in-the-pants. Taking a dump is also like a religious experience for men. (Frankly I don’t need to know what it looked liked or how awesome it was. Just get rid of it.)

In the early stages of potty training his pre-school teacher told me that I should have him wear underwear and expect accidents. I was horrified. I wanted wrap everything in plastic including me. Especially me.

Then they suggest you have the kid clean up everything associated with the accident. Talk about an exercise in restraint.

Has Thorin picked up on my aversion to urine outside of the toilet? He sure has. Has it impacted this whole potty training thing? Definitely. Can I change? God willing.

I have learned next to nothing since my post Bodily Functions. What you resist persists!

That said – Thorin and I went this past week to meet with a social worker at a behavioral clinic that runs a program called “Potty U”. They give strategies to parents to help them potty train their kids.

Of course developmental delays are part of a child having Down syndrome. It is not unheard of that a five-year who has Ds is not potty trained. It would be super easy to say Thorin having Ds is the causal factor that he is not potty trained. But, doing that would make me a complete douche bag. It is because I’m a crappy parent. (Pun intended)

The social worker asked if part of it could be Thorin was in a power struggle with me? My first thought was “It that a trick question?” He’s five and can discern peeing in one setting but not in another that makes his mother behavior irrationally. Forget the Ds – What five year-old doesn’t want to make his mother cuckoo?

I played it cagey and said, “Well, maybe. I guess it could be something like that. I hadn’t thought of it that way.” Big Fat Liar.

Today Thorin was running around the house naked.  That quickly came to an end when I discovered him in our bedroom. He had stripped the bed to the bottom sheet and stood on top of it in all his glory peeing. (No he isn’t in a power struggle. How much of a struggle is it when he’s winning?) Oh, and, screaming makes five-year-olds snicker in a really nasty way.

So, here’s to the both of us graduating from Potty U. I’m just glad he doesn’t have a little Gigi Allen* in him.

*Allen was a punk pioneer who on stage “liked to eat poop and smear it all over his face, back, stomach and neck. Then he would chase after people in the nude while roaring like a dragon.”