Dude Looks Like A Lady, Part 2 –

My husband came home the other day with T. in tow and as he was walking through the door said, “He’s getting his hair cut! I just had another person ask if he’s a girl!” This man has known me close to nine years but he forgets I have authority defiant disorder. * Telling me that just makes me dig my heels in deeper on something. So, I said “Actually, he going to grow his hair to his a–.”

Its then my husband remembers I have a personality disorder and decides not to pursue it. I don’t want T. to get his hair cut for many reasons – the biggest is he has beautiful hair and somewhere not very far down the line is I remember as a little kid what long hair on boys meant to some people.

Hair was a direct threat to the Man and in my house specifically my old man. My brother fought with our dad about growing his hair long. I remember people saying in disgust, “Jesus, is that a man or a woman?” When I was in grade school the touring company of Hair came to our small town college and I went. ** I saw a lot of hair and several penises.

Hair meant something then and I think it still does a little. I am amused by how many times a week I get asked, “what’s her name is” or “how old is she” or “is that a girl or boy”?

I think how is that even possible? Our son wears “boy clothes” – meaning not pink. Girls wear pink or ruffles or dresses.  I see them at T.’s school showing up in tutus, pastel snowsuits, miniature ruby slippers, etc

I had a kid ask me at his school last week, “Is he a boy or a girl?” I said, “Boy”. And, I wanted to ask, “What are you?” because I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t tell because this kid had braids in their hair but was wearing  “boy clothes”. Turns out he’s a boy and I am as guilty as everyone else.

Recently, I answered an elderly lady’s query in line at the grocery store that T. was indeed a boy, she said, “He could go either way – he’s really beautiful.” I like that because there is a certain beauty in being able to go either way. To not be so pinned down to ideas. That concept goes against my authority defiance disorder but maybe I need to outgrow that.

*To be fair I forget my husband is a people pleaser. This combination of personalities creates balance in an otherwise chaotic world.

**It isn’t that my parent’s were so liberal but they figured that any eleven year old who was capable of buying their own ticket to a play and getting themselves there knew what they were doing.

This entry was posted in Adopting, By Notatypicalmom, Marriage, Parenting by Kari Wagner-Peck. Bookmark the permalink.

About Kari Wagner-Peck

Kari Wagner-Peck lives with her husband and son in Maine. She is a writer & storyteller who home schools with her son. She is the author of the memoir Not Always Happy: An Unusual Parenting Journey, May, 2017, Central Recovery Press. She has been published at The New York Times Well Family blog, The Huffington Post, The The Good Men Project, The Sydney Morning Herald Daily Life blog, BLOOM and Love That Max among others. Author page: kariwagnerpeck.com Twitter @KariWagnerPeck and Facebook: www.facebook.com/NotAlwaysHappyLive/ Email: kariwagnerpeck@gmail.com

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